One Month More

I am one month away from my due date. I am so ready to have this baby out. She is kicking a lot, and it is starting to get uncomfortable. I can't hold the boys on my lap for the mere reason that after a minute of having my belly squished, I really don't want to be touched the rest of the day. I've been getting a bloody nose at least once a week if not more. I haven't been sleeping well at night. I sleep good for a few hours, and then I feel like I roll around for the rest of the night. It doesn't help that the people above us are awake all hours of the night stomping around. I end up taking a mini nap in the morning and a longer one in the afternoon when Gavin is asleep. I still can't eat chicken or ground beef, (I hope that will change once this baby comes). Each day that I get bigger and little sleep, my patience is stretched thin. I keep on crying sometimes for no good reason.

I feel bad for the boys. I haven't been giving them the attention they need. My goal right now is just to survive. The boys haven't been too interested in their toys. They just want me to play with them, or to do what I am doing.

I am excited for a little girl to join my family. I keep telling David if it wasn't a girl it wouldn't be worth it. (Any baby would be worth it)

Ben told me this morning that he would give his baby doll to the baby when she comes out. He also said that maybe she would think that it is a real baby.

I don't know if Gavin really knows what is going to happen. I think he knows that there will be some kind of change. Right now he is insisting that I feed him breakfast. He says, "Mom feed me." Even at dinner most nights he wants to be fed. One night at dinner Gavin wouldn't even let David help. He just kept his mouth shut. The odd thing is that Gavin wants to buckle himself in his car seat. He will say, "Get in the car mom. Sit down." He will scream if I even try to help. It is nice that he can buckle himself in, but he is so slow at it and he gets distracted easily.

I hope that this month will go by quickly enough. David said to focus on the nearest event and then go onto the next. So payday is coming up and then my birthday, next comes David's birthday. Teaching Ben's coop preschool will be the last big mile stone. And I will have 2 more weeks after that to go. Maybe stress will induce my labor early. Ha Ha Ha. I know I'm dreaming.

I am hoping that the weather (and cold wind) will warm up soon. I want to take the boys outside just for a change of scenery. I think they have cabin fever. We just don't get out enough. Half the problem is if I have some errand to run, I really don't want to fight with the boys to get their shoes and jacket on. I don't want to fight them in the store either.

I hope I will survive this month.